The Part I Didn’t Know

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At the end of our lives maybe we would return to our selves, maybe all the time in between would feel like flashes of a dream about a life that someone lived- a life that we borrowed.

At the end of my life, I would want to say that the most important thing I have done is that I loved and I loved well. And the biggest mistake I made was that I loved and I loved a little bit too much.

I would want to say that I was a good friend, a loving sister. I would want to say that I cared about my neighbour and I worked to better the lives of others. I would want to say that our efforts may have been futile and that we are human scratching the wall of a system built by giants- but we inspired a change that even walls that can’t topple began to admire. We battle with ourselves and our world to survive but living a life dedicated to that struggle wasn’t so bad and

At the end of our lives, when we realize it was really not our own, maybe this unbearable pain of having loved and lost would be trifling. Maybe this ache of not being able to be with someone we love and share every moment with them will then feel insignificant. So today, I rest in the fact that you’re living the rest of your borrowed life without me. I rest in the fact that although there is a part of your life that I will never know about, there was a part that I knew about and a moment that was mine and wholly mine. And there’s never a day I don’t think about you and wish for your happiness and your dreams.

My grandmother told me I was restless. When I was a little baby, I would roll in bed and play and one day I rolled over to the edge and before they can catch me I fell to the floor. They were horrified that I may be so badly hurt, but when they saw me I was perfectly fine. I was just looking away and giggling. And they looked to that same direction I was looking and whispered “Thank you.”

I didn’t even believe it. But now, at the end of my life, someone told me that the world is about the stories we tell ourselves. So maybe even if we’re older, even we weren’t as pure as newborn babes, maybe if we look closely and if we focus our attention, maybe if we look carefully at the faces of the people close to us, maybe we’ll see angels again. If we’re lucky, we may even have fallen in love with one. Thank you, I whispered through the wind and the same wind that brushes your face, wherever life takes you.

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