Ultima forsan, my love

Most people barely notice. They wake up one day and just feel differently towards someone. Love surprises most. Sometimes it happens so weirdly and slowly that people never realized until it’s too late to draw back. 

Not for me, I know exactly. I remember the exact moment I loved you. I remember adjusting the camera because you’re taller than the rest and I don’t wanna chop your head off the frame. I remember the exact words as you write your love story.

I remember. So I can’t even say I fell in love with you. It wasn’t a free fall. It wasn’t accidental, it was a deliberate conscious walk. Towards all of this. Knowing perfectly where it’s headed, when it’s gonna end. How much it will hurt when it does. It’s the path I took, the most selfish, yet liberating decision I ever made. 

And that is why, after everything that’s happened if you ask me how I feel, I’ll tell you honestly, i’ll do it all over again. I will love you in any version of that day, and that is the decision i’m making every waking day one year since. And no, there is nothing I ask of you. Never did I. Never will I.

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