Ordinary

Today was an ordinary day for an ordinary person. I’m not complaining. On my 18th, my best friend who’ll celebrate hers a week after mine arranged to share her party with me. It was a surprise, I didn’t know I was actually going to attend our party. That night, I received 18 blue roses, 18 roses that should have been hers.

Blue roses have always meant a lot since. It meant a lot even before Rhaegar gave Lyanna that crown of blue winter roses and named her queen of love and beauty during the tourney at Harrenhal. But Lyanna was special, she’s someone completely not like me.

That night, that party proved to me two things though- one, that there are good people willing to go out of their way to share their party with me and two, I will never be the person who gets her own party mostly because she can’t afford it and she isn’t worth.
I’ve always known that I will never be special enough for people to abandon their fears. That I can never matter enough to someone to take risks, to fight for, to be willing to drop everything for. That can simply never be enough to anyone. To have something that’s completely, only mine.

I am not that pretty girl. I am not that strong, driven woman either. I am not that woman men would be willing to wait on.

I am always just some person someone knew- not remarkably beautiful or remarkable in any way.

I’ve known that no matter how much love I pour out into the world, I will never be truly loved the way I wanted to be loved.

Every year, all that I’ve always just wanted was a big bouquet of blue roses, from someone, just for me. But blue roses only grew in the glass gardens of Winterfell. Maybe they only come once in a lifetime.

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