Atlas

I am sitting beside you under the sunlight, trying to squeeze ourselves in the shade of a tree. The air was warm and I could see boredom, irritation, and longing in your face. You’ve found a way to amuse yourself watching these kids, like you do most of the time. Them wondering and clueless about the future, no matter how big or small the idea they may have of it. You, just as clueless, after perhaps a year or two since you were here, standing at this same moment in your life.

I’ve been staring at you for the past hour, Atlas. But this time you can’t stare back at me. Dear Atlas, I wanna  tell you everything. I needed someone for me to tell how I envy these kids who had the future that I didn’t. I wanna tell you of all my worries, my frustrations, my sadness. But I couldn’t get through you, your lightheartedness, the part of you that’s so zoned out most of the time. You know, battling with dragons and monsters in a far away land, instead of facing the peril that’s right before our eyes. The one that’s practical and real. And I was too in love to realize that I needed a  friend more than a lover.  It was such a pain to see you go.

Dear Atlas, I want to embrace you, and I want you to embrace me like we’ve always dreamed of. I want you to smile for me. Sometimes you look at my direction and I wonder if you can see me, like the first time you did. If I still can cry, maybe I will. Until you’ll turn away or perhaps you must have been just looking at something far off behind me.  There’s nothing that would hurt more in this world than to be beside you without you knowing it. I should have told you I love you when I had the chance. Because believe me, I saw the man you can become more than the boy that you were, even if most of the time you’ll rather be just that because I loved you when you were just that. I should have told you I love you the first time I saw you. No matter how ridiculous that is. Because it was true. I’ve always wondered if you loved me the way I thought you did, Atlas.

I’ve come to this place looking for something I haven’t found. Perhaps not in any place on Earth, not even beside you. Yet I keep coming back here. Where to me,  it’s home. Where I don’t anymore belong, or perhaps never did. She’s started calling you. We’ve been here quite a while.  You’re too lazy to get up, as always. She came pulling you playfully, but you pulled her to your arms instead. In a moment you’re walking away, your arm around her waist. Atlas, it is such a pain to see you go.

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