I did the right thing. I did what I should have done three months earlier.
It took me long to do it without you, but hey, I made it. Honestly I don’t feel
free. I don’t even feel like I made the best choice. I felt like losing a friend.
But I feel too, that I am free of doubt. I don’t feel like I did it because
I was afraid of losing you. I don’t feel like I did it to save our relationship.
I feel like I did it for myself. For my family. For my future, even if that
future doesn’t belong to you anymore.
And after all, the way I know you, I believe you’d wanted it to be that way too.
I have been wondering, still, why fate has to keep me from you. What better thing
lies for me rather than being with the only man who had made me so much
braver than I ever was. Why the plan was designed that way.
Now I think about how you helped me set everything in my life straight.
You gave me the strength to see what I could be rather than the mess
I have become.You were the courage that made me endure the dark times,
because the light you gave was a glimpse of the better days
that’s yet to come. You have always seen the beautiful parts of me, you
have embraced the ones that are not.
I thought, when you left, that I have lost the only chance I had. The world
was spinning too fast, time was running out of itself, love came and went-
I, I was stuck in the moment you said there was no magic in what we had.
I stopped believing in magic altogether, I died before death came upon me.
Do you remember when Celine said that there’s an Einstein quote she
really likes. It says that if you don’t believe in any kind of magic,
or mystery, basically, you’re as good as dead. Well it’s kinda true.
Tonight I think about what you told me after the first time we met.
How you would choose to let me go if that’s the only way I could make
the right choice. And maybe you were right all along. Maybe it was
just not in my hands, or yours. Maybe, no matter how I fight for it or against it,
I was meant to meet you and you were meant to leave me. You were meant
to teach me things in life that even you, haven’t learned yet.
Thank you making me stop loving you too much- because in return,
I have learned to love myself. And that has always been something you
stand for in life.
H, maybe life is not just about who you’re going to hurt or who’s going to hurt you.
Maybe life is not just about looking for a sense of magic, or finding an elusive connection.
Maybe life too, is about letting go of a love to be able to find another. (Yes I know now.)
But maybe it’s love that takes another form, it’s not hurt that’s being passed on.
Maybe the connection has always been there, but we fail to recognize it because we’re reaching
out too far. Maybe we were expecting too much. Maybe magic exists only in the moment.
One day, we will find love in the most unexpected moments,
or in someone we have never even thought about the future with.
One day it will drive us crazy, and we’ll be crazy enough
to recognize that kind of love. But I guess you already know that.
Thank you H, for everything. For everything you were, and for
everything you didn’t turn out to be.