She had this illusion that she survived, the truth is that she chose to die slowly. There are times in her life that she felt she had no choice. And this was all that she said,
“A girl’s gotta eat”.
But she didn’t realize then that to die of hunger is probably way better than to poison her soul. She thought of the present, she wanted to live. So she sold her future, she sacrificed her freedom. But the life she protected was the life she later hated. She enjoyed the comfort that’s superficial, yet in her heart the suffering was real.
She can’t fall in love with anyone. She didn’t quite consider it the price to pay for the price she’s been paid.
“You can fool yourself all you want. But still, you can’t fall in love with anyone.”
So she thought, tonight, dead as a star to the man who promised her the sun,
“Maybe the hardest thing about being alive is to be denied of the kind of love you wanted, because you have already accepted the one you think you needed.”
The things he made you do and stories that put her to sleep. SECOND.