Waking up

I felt numb when I woke up, I started to have difficulty breathing, and I ran to my father next room. I can feel the muscles in my face move. Become stiff, twist my lips, and lock them in distortion. I felt my head pounding and the rest of me, numb. I want to ask him what’s happening but I can’t speak. He answered me with such look, such loathing.

I stood up and looked at myself in the mirror I saw my face deformed, with blood coming from my nose and tears diluting the blood. I ran frightened from my own image.

I ran out of the room but i tried to go back when I saw the back of my father’s hand was black. I saw it and it frightened me more as if telling me to go. I ran to my sister. I want to ask her for help but I can’t speak. My whole face was still numb and stiff. I was gasping trying to explain to her by mere gestures I prayed she’ll comprehend. It was that bond between sisters I believed had saved me. We both ran into my room, to where the body is. I saw myself. And in a moment I felt like a soul being pulled back into the sleeping body. I knew I was already in it. It felt the freeze. I knew I was dreaming because my father is not at home. I knew he was not my father with the way he looked at me. We have been always up against each other. But even if it was often hate, it was never at the very least, lack of feeling or compassion.

 I woke up in my dream. The worst thing I had with nightmares is when they try to convince you that the world they put you in is real. The wind of defeat embraces you when you are not careful enough to notice the signs that you are still in fact, dreaming.

I knew I was dreaming and I was trying to wake up and scream and squirm and get back my senses. It was difficult and I was starting to feel the lack of air. I was trying to push the weight that enveloped me. It was heavy like a fluid surrounding and drowning me. I screamed but I heard no sound from it, I screamed over and over as loud as I can until the fluid around me broke like glass. I was desperately trying to open my eyes and wake up. I did. And I felt my mouth open as if screaming. I feel my body numb from the position I accidentally slept. I can hear my sister talking to someone over the phone. She was exactly where I found her, in my dream.

My eyelids still heavy as if trying to pull me back into the dream. I slowly moved my body, the muscles in my face trying to prove to myself that I have woken up into reality, still afraid of looking at the mirror. I can feel my mouth dry from screaming but it was a struggle no one heard. I recovered from the heavy breathing.

I’m awake but the weight around me lingers. It was always the glass that I am yet to break. I reached for my phone and I ached to dial your number. It must have been you- I wanted you to save me. I want you to hear the scream. I cringe. There are things that pull you back into the dream. I have glasses to break and not elements of the unreal to go back to.

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